2018 in Retrospect, 2019 in Prospect
回顧，展望

2018 has been a comfortable year. Comfortable, an enjoyment, cozy and warm, loose fitting, indicating a lack of motivation, a stasis, lacking excitement and energy, snug as a bug in a rug.

A part of me is enjoying my life a bit too much now, hence the fear for change. Because change can result in improvement, but may also lead to deterioration.

“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.”

Is it a women’s ever growing fear of aging, lagging behind their peers who are happily married with three kids, a fear for the day the wrinkle and shadows start to show, the aches and pains takeover the days. And nothing has been done. The challenges not met. Worse, has yet to be started.

At the end of last year, I left a job of chronic poison, a place where I was no longer growing but the people were dragging me down. In 2018, we made a rational decision to put our own happiness as top priority. Selfish maybe, but I’m learning that I can’t please everyone, and even the process of trying to is just leading to failure and disappointment, not only to me but those around me. We reorganized our life, put a lid on the things that was worth keeping but not every moment of our waking time. I whittled down my belongings, and shedded the weight of too much possessions. Not yet a true minimalist, but I’m enjoying that lifestyle. After much delaying, we took a difficult step out of that comfort zone and dead end street and a leap into a more sustainable and enjoyable life. The first few months was really great and I enjoyed the stress free days of just hanging out with my cousins. But that didn’t mean we really didn’t care or that we could put everything down just like that, so we made a trip back in August, a rather depressive trip that laid open old wounds, and showed me just how fragile and hurtful family relationships can be. At least, I had a chance to contribute to the family where I could, and where I couldn’t, I realize it really can’t be helped. At least I don’t need to face that kind of disappointment day in day out as when I’m in Hong Kong because finally, I’m back in Vancouver. These last couple months, I’m learning to fill my time with things I enjoy doing. However, I do feel myself slipping into a plethora of bad habits and I’m not sure I’m happy with too much chilling out either.

For 2019, I really wish I could continue the comfort of 2018, but add a little charge, something to spark some excitement in our lives. I want to add a dose of regularity and discipline, some organization and accountability. I also want to incorporate healthier habits long lost and forgotten. There’s some old old old projects that I have always wanted to complete, and new projects which I hope to tackle. Through these processes, I hope to gain more confidence in myself, and know that I can do the things I set my mind to. Sounds vague? I have setup a bullet journal habit tracker which I hope can help me out. Maybe next year I’ll be able to write a clear checklist of what I have completed! Looking forward to it!!